An australian ventriloquist was on a holiday in New Zealand. While strolling through a small town in the South Island he saw a bloke sitting at the side if the road patting his dog. Behind him was his horse n sheep. ’G’day mate he said to the man thats a great looking dog. Mind if i have a chat with him?’ The new zealander says: ’The dog doesn’t talk u stupid aussie!’ . The man ignored him, ’Hey dog hows it goin?’ The dog replied: ’Doin alright.’ The new zealander was suprised! The man continued, ’Is this your kiwi owner?’ ’Yup!’ said the dog! ’How does he treat u?’ ’Real good!’ the dog seemed to say, ’He gives me good tucker n two meals a day.’ The man then asked the kiwi if he could then talk to his horse. The Kiwi said, rather definately, "He DOESNT talk." "G’day horse how’s it goin?" "Fine, Fine." said the horse. "How does your owner treat you?" "Pretty good, thanx for asking, he rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the cold weather." By now the Kiwi was absolutely astonished. "Mind if I talk to ur
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What’s the worst thing about being a clown?........... .....the colored wig, the floppy shoes, all the make-up, etc....... What’s the best thing about being a clown?............. ......your dick looks huge in a little kid’s hands.

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A boy and his grandfather decide to go fishing one afternoon so they grab their gear and head out for the lake. A half hour goes by and grandpa pulls out a beer and starts drinking. The boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?" and grandpa replies," Well I don’t know. Does your pecker wrap around and touch your butthole?" The boy responds with, "No grandpa it doesn’t." So grandpa tells him that he can’t have a drink. A while later grandpa pulls out a cigar and starts smoking it. Again the boy asks, " Grandpa, can I have a puff of your cigar?" and grandpa asks the boy the same question, only to get the same response again. A while goes by and the little boy pulls out 2 huge chocolate chip cookies and starts eating them. This time grandpa asks, "Boy that sure looks delicious, can I have one of those cookies?" The boy then asks," I don’t know grandpa, does your pecker wrap around and touch your butthole?" The grandpa gets a big smile and says," It sure does". The boy then says," Well then go fuck yourself, grandma made these for me."