These three women are sitting around discussing the sexual prowess of there boyfriends and one of them "says if your boyfriend was a soda what kind would he be ? the first woman thought about it a few seconds and said i guess mine would be a 7 up because hes seven inches and hes always up, the secound woman took a little longer to think about it but she says i guess mine would be a mountain dew because hes always mounting me and were always dewing it,they third lady took so long thinking about it the other women had to ask her what kind would yours be ? she said mine would be jack daniels the other two women said thats not fair jack daniels is a liquor the woman said yeah thats my man

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A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" The gentleman responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So, twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "How did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?" "No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous!"