Now the bad weather [snow] is hear there are 3 things you should carry in your car. 1.A blanket 2.A flask of hot coffee 3.A spade So when you are stuck you can rap yourself in the blanket,drink the hot cokkee, while the spade pushes you out off the snow drift.

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Good: I got paid and got laid Bad: I got the girl pregnant
Ugly: My nephew is my son
Good: Lost my job today Bad: My wife left me for another man
Ugly: It was the bastard who fired me
Good: My husband and I are expecting our first child Bad: Its not my husband
Ugly: It could be (blank)
Good: Today I learned how to give a blowjob Bad: The guy I learned from was gay
Ugly: He was my ex-boyfriend
Good: I hit the lottery and won 1,000,000.00 Bad: I got robbed leaving the bank
Ugly: I know the guy who robbed me Very Ugly: LIFE without parole
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A man with a premature ejaculation problem goes to a shrink. Man: Every time i have sexual relations with my wife I cum too early Therapist: Well, next time you feel the urge to cum too soon, scare yourself somehow, this should help. On the way home the man stops into a hardware store and buys a starter pistol that makes a loud noise. The man gets home to find his wife naked in bed. He jumps on her and they start getting it on. Eventually they start 69ing, and the man feels the urge to cum so he shoots the pistol. The next day the therapist asks the man how it went to which the man replied: "Thanks a lot asshole my wife shat in my face, bite two inches of my dick and my neighboor came running out of my closet naked with his hands in the air."